Snippet From the Show

"Avoiding the near occasion of sin is crucial for overcoming lust."

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This episode contains adult themes that are not suitable for children - parental discretion is advised.

Snippet From the Show

"Every person has a fundamental right to life that we must honor and reverence."

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What kinds of physical acts are morally acceptable when it comes to sex in marriage? What do you do when one spouse embraces NFP and the other insists on using contraception? How can an engaged couple recover chastity and peace after giving into sexual temptation together? 

*Disclaimer: Parents may want to listen to the podcast before sharing with young kids, as we discuss some very mature topics about intimate relationships.

Snippet from the Show 

"When you bring to the Mass all that you’ve experienced, you allow Jesus to redeem those things that are most dark, bitter, and painful by taking them into the mystery of his sacrifice and casting them into the ocean of his mercy."

Glory Story (3:55) 

Feedback (9:26)

Disagreement on Contraception in Marriage (11:33)

Thank you for your podcast. It’s been a big help to me. My husband and I have been married for 18 years. We are now in our early 40’s. We have three wonderful kids who are 4, 6 and 8. We are both Catholic but experience our faith differently. One thing we have never agreed on is NFP/contraception.

When we first got married I was trained and spent years charting and following my cycle using the symptothermal method. Since that time we have always abstained during my fertile period, but when we have sex my husband will still use a condom to avoid pregnancy. So I’ve basically been doing NFP on my own.

He is a good man, and has his own journey with the Lord. But this has caused me much pain and guilt. We have always attended weekly Mass together, and with the children, and we do night prayers with the kids every night. I also attend daily Mass when I can, and regular reconciliation. My husband and I pray together sometimes but it’s not a daily habit. I pray a lot. I have kept bringing this to the Lord in prayer. And kept up a dialogue with my husband. I bring it to reconciliation.

He doesn’t want any more children, and a big part of that now is because I become very unwell when pregnant and can’t function for a number of months. I am open to having more children if it’s God’s will, even though I’m a bit afraid of being so sick. I would do it though. After so long I have started to feel much fear, and sometimes hopelessness about this situation. At the worst times I worry that I am condemned. I feel powerless to change the situation. And an ultimatum doesn’t really seem like the right thing to do for our marriage. I have realised I basically try to avoid intercourse, but that’s not great for our marriage either.

Do you have any advice that will help me to carry on in this situation, which doesn’t look like it will change anytime soon.

- Sarah

Oral Sex in Marriage (17:04)

Hey Father Josh, 

I looked all over the Ascension Press website for anything on this topic. 

I have read Song of Solomon and there are lots of thought provoking ideas within the scripture. My question is, what are the Catholic teachings on what is appropriate acts of "foreplay" before having intercourse, for a married couple. To be more specific, could you also elaborate on the Catholic teachings of oral sex. I have listened to your potato analogy for same sex relationships, but am wondering the thoughts for a married male and female, as the Song of Solomon hints at some of this.

Thanks in advance!

- Anonymous

Recovering from Sexual Sin (25:14)

Hey Father Josh,

I have a question I’ve been wrestling with for a few weeks now. I recently got engaged,  and we are both Catholic and are active in our church. We both agreed to wait until marriage to have sex, but one evening we went out of town to attend a wedding and it was our first time sharing a hotel room. We had spent the night in the same bed once before about 6 months prior, but that was before i knew it was a sin, and after that we never shared a bed at night. Anyway the evening was fine but then we got carried away and things went too far. I ended up crying the rest of the night and I felt absolutely horrible. The next morning was thankfully Saturday and after the wedding we both talked and wanted to not ever do that again, so we went to confession. 

It’s been a couple of weeks, but I’m so sad about what I did. I feel like I failed and that I don’t know who I am or that I can’t be genuinely relaxed. It’s caused me to question so much about myself and the relationship. If we committed such a grave sin does this mean that we’re not leading each other toward Heaven? That we will lead each other to sin? Should we break off the engagement? Should we just end our relationship? I guess I’m looking for steps to do after everything. My fiance and I have talked, we stay away from the occasion of sin, not spending too much time privately alone, limiting longer kisses and we went to confession but I’m still questioning everything. I don’t know what to do. Any help or advice would be great. Please advise, I feel so lost and confused, thank you. 

- Anonymous

Resources: 

• Preorder Pocket Guide to Adoration by Fr. Josh Johnson
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• Text “askfrjosh” to 33-777 to subscribe for the chance to win a free copy of Fr. Josh’s new book!
• Broken and Blessed by Fr. Josh Johnson
• How to Pray Like Mary by Sonja Corbitt

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Today Fr. Josh answers questions about sexual baggage, feeling guilty about NFP, the morality of pleasure outside the marital act, and dealing with a partner who watches porn.

If you have a question, comment, or response for Fr. Josh, email us at askfrjosh@ascensionpress.com. You may hear your question or comment in an upcoming podcast episode!

Snippet from the Show
“If you’re not already putting practices in place to grow in holiness and find freedom, then you’re not going to get married and all of a sudden have everything get better.”

SHOWNOTES

Glory Story (1:15)
Fr. Josh is celebrating five years of priesthood and spent some time with brother priests to celebrate everyone’s ordination! As they were celebrating, they shared something that pierced Fr. Josh’s heart and almost made him cry.

Listener Feedback (5:52)

Marital Pleasure (10:54)
Other than actual intercourse, is it wrong for married couples to enjoy physical pleasure with each other if they don't intend it to result in intercourse every time?
-Maddie

Sexual History (15:23)
How am I supposed to handle my boyfriend's sexual past, me being a virgin? It feels at times like I've been betrayed even though he didn't know me at the time. I also worry what it would mean for our marriage, not only regarding human insecurities but lost graces. The secular advice is "his past is none of your business" but I feel if we get married it will be my business.
-Confused Girlfriend

Pornogrogaphy in a Relationship (28:58)
How do you deal with porn in a relationship -- by that, I mean, it hurts to get months into a relationship with someone who is quite wonderful, then find out he struggles with a porn problem. But, mortal sins are also not a first date topic. And although I've heard some say you shouldn't date someone who has this problem, I don't find myself able to act on that advice, or even able to find a guy who doesn't struggle with this! On the other hand, it makes a relationship so hard to maintain... when you know your SO is looking at other girls, it makes you feel like your relationship is a lie, or maybe you're not worth very much. It puts distance and mistrust between you, and it doesn't help much to know, logically, that you're valuable, when you feel like you're not. I don't want to tell him never to talk about this with me, because I don't want to pretend it's not happening. But I also don't want to hear about it, because it hurts so much. I don't want to leave because I'll regret it, and as I said... the next guy will probably be dealing with the same thing anyway. I petition St. Jude for intercession because this seems so hopeless. What's a girl -- or guy -- to do?
-Anonymous

Struggles with NFP (40:51)
1.) My husband and I have been married for a little over 8 years and have 4 beautiful children (7, 5 1/2, 3 1/2, and 16 months), plus a couple more babies in Heaven that I miscarried. My struggle comes with practicing NFP. We have always used the Creighton Model, but I'm a yellow stamper (meaning my cycles aren't always as obvious) and I also have a history of low progesterone (hence the miscarriages) and have had to be on progesterone supplements for my last three pregnancies. That being said, I'm terrified of getting pregnant again. Don't get me wrong... I will be elated if I end up pregnant. I really want another baby. But due to several factors including financial restraints, having an extremely small house, and still having low progesterone where I could end up miscarrying again, my husband and I are currently "trying to avoid". I realize we don't need to have a dozen kids to make it into Heaven (though not there's anything wrong with that), but I feel guilty any time my husband and I want to be intimate and I can't tell if I'm fertile or not. Part of me feels like it’s best for us to avoid right now, but then part of me wonders if that's being closed off to God and not welcoming any children He has planned (because obviously His plans are infinitely better than mine). I just feel this huge amount of guilt and frustration either way. We are working with our NFP coordinator to figure out my cycles, but until then, it's a lot of "Well you could've used those days" (which doesn't help us after the fact), or feeling guilty that I am disappointing my husband for having to abstain so much or worried that my attitude is disappointing God. Besides bearing my cross and continuing to meet with my NFP coordinator, do you have any advice?
-Wife and Mother

Resources
Want to browse the previous resources Fr. Josh has recommended? Go to ascensionpress.com/askfrjosh to select an episode and view the shownotes.

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